When Anxiety Takes the Wheel

Imagine you are 12 years old. Today is your first day at a new school, and your brain is screaming at you not to go. It will be embarrassing. No one is going to want to be your friend. You are going to look dumb if the teacher makes you stand up in front of the class to introduce yourself. Uneasy feelings well up in your stomach, and it feels like you might throw up. Even though learning and friendships are important to you, it feels like you’re frozen, and you can’t walk into the school building. You panic. You cry. Later, guilt creeps in, but so does relief. You avoided it. Crisis averted…at least for now.

That’s the trap of anxiety. It’s bossy, sneaky, and convincing, and it can take us away from what feels most important to us. Anxiety can feel like racing thoughts, difficulty breathing, rapid heartbeat, and/or upset stomach. It can get us caught up in a cycle of worry about the “what if’s” that is both distracting and draining. Most of all, anxiety can make it feel like we’ve lost all control and that it’s calling the shots. When anxiety says “Avoid this,” it doesn’t feel like a suggestion, it feels like a command. In that moment, it’s as if there’s no option but to automatically obey, even when it pulls us away from what matters most.

The brain’s fear system is like a fire alarm. Whether it’s a drill or a real fire, the alarm sounds the same: jarring and urgent. That’s the thing with anxiety – it doesn’t distinguish between real and imagined threats. When someone has elevated anxiety, their brain sets off a lot of false alarms. Class presentation? Beep, beep, beep. Ordering at a restaurant? Beep, beep, beep. Trying out for the soccer team? Beeeeeeeeeep! You get the drill (no pun intended). When the person responds by avoiding the perceived danger, their brain concludes that the threat was, in fact, real. 

Mindfulness Matters

Mindfulness matters in anxiety treatment because it gives us the tools to stop reacting automatically and start responding intentionally. It puts us back in the driver’s seat. 

What is Mindfulness? In order to respond to anxious thoughts, feelings and action urges in a helpful way, we first need to be aware of them. Mindfulness is all about building awareness. It’s the act of being present with our thoughts, feelings, and action urges in a compassionate, curious, and nonjudgmental way. Our brains love to time travel – to the future and back to the past- and mindfulness helps us build the muscle of gently bringing our attention back to the here and now. Mindfulness allows us to slow down and get curious about how our body is feeling, where our mind is, and what action urges we are having. Without this awareness, it is much harder to use other strategies. By practicing mindfulness skills, we can stay grounded in the present moment and respond more effectively to anxiety.

At InStride, one of the foundational skills we teach is called “Notice, Name, Respond.” To respond instead of react, we first need to pause and acknowledge (Notice) that a thought, feeling, or action urge is present. Once we notice it, then we can give it a label (Name). Then we can make a deliberate decision about how to respond (vs responding on autopilot). This process, grounded in mindfulness, helps create the space to pay attention to what is happening in the present moment and choose a thoughtful response rather than acting impulsively.  This is important because it helps us make choices that are aligned with what matters to us and who we want to be.

It’s important to remember that the goal of mindfulness is not relaxation. While sometimes it helps us feel calm, other times it can feel uncomfortable – and that’s okay. The key is to stay present and notice what’s happening, even when it’s hard. And with practice, it gets easier.

Mindfulness doesn’t make anxiety disappear, but it does help us relate to it differently, which is an essential part of effective anxiety treatment. Instead of trying to push away or fight with anxious thoughts and feelings, mindfulness helps us observe them with openness and curiosity. Mindfulness also matters in exposure therapy, where learning to stay present with discomfort is key. By creating space to respond with intention rather than react out of fear, mindfulness supports us in responding to anxious thoughts and feelings, facing fears and breaking patterns of avoidance, and in moving toward what matters most.

Now imagine that you, the same 12-year-old, are standing outside the school again. This time, instead of letting the anxious thoughts take over, you pause and notice the tightness in your chest and the fluttering in your stomach. You name these feelings – “This is anxiety talking” – and remind yourself that feeling uncomfortable doesn’t mean danger. With gentle curiosity, you take a slow breath and focus on the moment instead of the “what ifs.” It’s still hard, but now you feel a little more in control. Slowly, you choose to respond differently – opening the school door and stepping inside, moving toward learning, friendships, and the life you want to live.