Holidays can be loud, bright, beautiful and completely overwhelming. Sometimes surviving the various festivities feels like juggling glitter, desserts, and a toddler on a pogo stick. For kids with anxiety or OCD (and their parents), December can feel like a full-time job of managing expectations, disrupted routines, and all the “shoulds” that come with this season. 

Slowing down, lowering expectations, and saying no isn’t giving up; it’s teaching regulation, choice, and resilience – and preserving your own well-being in the process. Here are some tips for parents of children with anxiety or OCD for navigating the season with a little more calm and a lot more connection.

Model the Calm: Regulating Together

Kids with anxiety or OCD are emotional detectives. They notice every sigh, rushed step, or panicked, “Oh no, we forgot the marshmallows!” If we’re rushing or panicking, they feed off that energy.

Slowing down, especially in a busy season, helps you and your child regulate your nervous systems together. Pausing, taking a slow breath, and being honest about how you are feeling can model the importance of vulnerability and asking for help.

Practical Tips:

• Narrate your coping: “I’m feeling a little rushed, so I’m going to pause and take a slow breath before I lose my cool.”
  
• Use simple grounding techniques together: Try taking 5 slow breaths, squeezing a stress ball, or using the “5 senses” skill by identifying things you see, hear, touch, smell, and taste in your immediate surroundings.
  
• Validate their feelings: Acknowledge their struggle by saying, “I see that this feels overwhelming right now. Let’s take a break together.”

Manage Disrupted Routines: Creating Predictability

Predictable routines can serve as an anchor when anxiety or OCD are loud. However, school breaks, family events, and travel during the holidays can all lead to significant disruptions in these routines.

Practical Tips:

• Introduce small rituals consistently: Consider a countdown calendar, family gratitude check-in, or simply jotting down the day’s events on a calendar at the start of the day or week so kids know exactly what to expect.
• Give a heads-up before transitions: Try saying, “In five minutes, we’ll start decorating.
• Offer choice: When feasible, ask simple questions like, “Do you want to do our cookie activity now or later this afternoon?”

Choose What Matters

Often, the holiday schedule gets filled with “shoulds” and the fear that if we don’t do certain things or attend certain events, we’re missing out or disappointing someone else. Instead of letting anxiety dictate the calendar, focus on values-based participation: doing things because they bring connection or joy, not just obligation.

Practical Tips:

• Check your values: For optional events, ask: “Does this bring us joy or connection?” If the answer is no, and you’re only doing it because you feel you “should,” it might be okay to skip it to save energy for things that matter.
• Plan for the “Have-Tos”: Kids can’t always decide the family schedule. For non-optional events that may feel stressful, work together on a “Cope Ahead Plan,” like bringing a comfort item or agreeing on a subtle signal if they need a break, so they feel prepared in advance for how they will manage if they start to feel particularly stressed.
• Participate in self-care together: Show them that taking a break can be helpful. Invite them to grab a cozy blanket, share a hot chocolate, or take a quiet mindfulness break with you to reset.

Let It Go

A meaningful holiday isn’t found in Pinterest-perfect activities; it’s found in connection, predictability, flexibility, and care. The holidays don’t need to look like a magazine to feel magical. If baking marathons energize you, run with it.  But if cleaning up after cookies feels like a chore, give yourself permission to choose a different family activity.

Crumbs on the couch, pajamas still on from yesterday, the glow of the TV, and a couple of mishaps – those are the memories that stick. Letting go of the small stuff prevents anxiety from stealing the season (and your last nerve).

Practical Tips:

•  Pivot when needed: If a tradition turns into a battle, give yourself permission to change course. Modeling flexibility in the moment is more valuable than forcing a “perfect” memory.
  
• Use humor: Laugh at glitter explosions, recipe fails, or decoration mishaps.
  
• Encourage participation: Let kids take charge of small traditions to help them feel capable and involved, and practice tolerating the messy, imperfect results together.

A Gentle Wrap-Up

Navigating the holidays with a child who has anxiety or OCD adds a unique layer of challenge to an already busy season. By slowing down to regulate together, anchoring in routine, prioritizing your family’s values over external pressures, and letting go of the small stuff, you are modeling powerful skills for your child. Take a breath, embrace the imperfect moments, and know that you are building resilience together, one step at a time.